Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
