I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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