I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
