Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
