I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
