Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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