It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
