Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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