Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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