i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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