and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
