Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
