Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
