so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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