Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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