it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
