Don't you send me to vm
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Randomize
