I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
