WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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