if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
