so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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