I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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