last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
