There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
now i know why i became what i already was.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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