I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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