JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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