I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
