i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
