I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
