you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
