I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
