She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
