your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
