Got a toothbrush?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
