): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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