Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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