he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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