I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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