I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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