i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
