Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
