Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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