no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
