So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize