So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
