we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
