im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
