How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
