Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
