I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
