Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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