Already got asked if we're dating
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
