1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
