omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
