This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
