found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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