The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
